For Crying Out Loud: Yoga Heals
When Yoga Found Me
When Yoga found me, I was shattered;
recently widowed and bursting with grief
Drinking too much… sleeping too little…
spending far too much time by myself
Not sure if I was coming or already gone
When Yoga found me, I was angry;
angry at God for taking my husband
Angry at my husband for leaving me
Angry at me for letting him go
When Yoga found me, I was trapped;
a prisoner to my memories
My husband died a hundred times over in my dreams.
Then, the others… one by one
Death was inescapable, even in sleep
When Yoga found me, I was alone;
incapable of tolerating the company of others
Their petty little issues
Their perfect little lives
When Yoga found me, I was exhausted;
worn thin by responsibilities
So much to do in the cruel aftermath of an unplanned death
Waters uncharted; left to navigate alone
When Yoga found me, I was lost;
teetering on the edge of an empty nest with no wings to fly
“It’s too soon,” I thought. “She’s not ready for this.”
Truth be told… I wasn’t ready
When Yoga found me, I was stuck;
unable to break free from the grip of my previous life
Petrified to take just one step forward into my new existence
Afraid of what would become of me
And just like that, I hit rock bottom.
I hated my new life. I needed to do something
I stepped into the studio with my ten dollar mat
I kept my head down; my gaze to the floor. “Leave me alone,” I thought
“Where are the tissues?” I questioned.
“Why are there no tissues in this God forsaken place?”
“What am I even doing here? I don’t even like Yoga.”
And there, on the mat, I cried. And cried. And cried some more
As I had hoped, they left me alone
I didn’t need tissues after all; the mat soaked up all of my tears
And surprisingly, I fell completely and unabashedly in love with Yoga
And soon, I understood precisely why I was there
When Yoga found me, I was saved
When will Yoga find you?
I Have Tears in My Ears Again
Shavasana; it gets me every time
The death of my practice
Of course it gets me
I did the best I could
I really, truly did
“Good, now let it go.
Let it all go.”
“Just breathe. You’re fine now. You did your very best.”
“No buts. You did your very best.”
“I said no buts! You did your very best.”
Let it all go… In breath
Let it go… Out breath
Let go… In breath
Damn it all to Hell; I have tears in my ears again
Shavasana; it gets me every time
No matter what you do, do your very best. When the job is done, no matter the job, know that you did the best you could with what you had to work with. If tears come during the process of letting go, let them. Tears carry toxins out of your body. Once you’ve accepted that you did your best, the toxic thoughts of failure and self-doubt must leave the body. They do so through your tears. Let it all go.
Trusting Life's Plan
“Wait, don’t go! Why are you leaving me?” I pleaded
“Was it something I said, or did?...
Something I didn’t do, or should have said?...
Please, help me to understand.
What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing”, he replied. “Nothing at all. You’re perfect.”
If I’m so damn perfect, then why are you leaving me?” I demanded.
His response was simple yet profound… still ringing in my ears today.
“Because,” he said. “I’m not.”
Sometimes it does not matter how perfect you are or how well you do.
It is no guarantee that life will go the way you want it to.
Life will, however, go according to plan.
Trust the process.